


Toast To Those Who Suffer

by Memories_of_the_Shadows



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Gen, Jossed, Minor Character(s), POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Minor Character, Suicidal Thoughts, hints of relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-13
Updated: 2008-10-13
Packaged: 2019-03-13 10:22:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13568571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Memories_of_the_Shadows/pseuds/Memories_of_the_Shadows
Summary: A tribute to most of the kunoichi of Naruto. There are only a few missing. Because they are Kunoichi.





	Toast To Those Who Suffer

**Author's Note:**

> The Kunoichi—in order—are: Sakura, Hinata, Ino, Tenten, Temari, Isaribi, Yugito, Hanabi, Matsuri, Karin, Tayuya, Kin, Moegi, Rin, Tsunade, Shizune, Anko, Kurenai, Konan, Chiyo, Mikoto, and, finally, all of them.

I am the girl who just saw one of my teammates almost die because of our teammate putting his hand through his chest.

And it's because I asked him to bring Sasuke back alive.

I want to hate Sasuke, but I can't. I'm afraid of what I'll become if I do.

_'But I promise you, Naruto, I'll become stronger so you'll never have to fight alone ever again.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the girl who was just beaten by my father in a training exercise on something I was never taught—just something I'm supposed to know from birth.

My sister is like that, not me.

Yet I still love my father, and I always will. Even through the harsh words, and the bruises and the cuts, and the scars that never go away: I'll still love him.

_'Because that is the path of the Kunoichi I have chosen, and I will never stray from it. I will be strong in my own way, and everyone will see me.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the girl who is always noticed but never seen. My best friend is someone who spent years hating me over a stupid boy I never even liked.

I'm supposed to be the strong, sure one; but I'm not even sure what these feelings for my best friend are, and I'm not even strong enough to mess with someone else's mind because mine's so fucked up.

But I'll still smile, I'll still laugh, I'll be the Queen everyone sees until the mask becomes who I am.

_'Because a Kunoichi cannot afford weakness. And I won't let my feelings be mine.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the girl who has never known any family except for my weapons, and my team.

And it cuts me deeper than any knife could when someone precious to me is hurt. Suffice it to say that I am hurting nigh constantly. Sometimes I think it would be better if I didn't live, then it wouldn't hurt.

But then my family would hurt. And then I would hurt. Its better that we hurt together, then to hurt because we're apart.

_'And anyways, hurting is something a Kunoichi must live with.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the girl who is shunned eternally by my family for something I can't control.

My brother doesn't know what love is, even if he has it tattooed on his forehead. But I love the boy more than anybody ever could—even mother. Especially mother. Sometimes I stare at him, and wonder what would have happened to him if I had been able to care for him when he was younger.

Who knows. But I care for him now, in every way I can. Neither of my brothers will ever want for food, companionship, sympathy, love so long as I still live and breathe.

_'Love is no weakness, it is my strength. But it doesn't hurt that the enemy doesn't know that.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the girl who is hated by everyone for being different.

I didn't ask for the snake bastard to experiment on me, I never asked to be the Kaima. All I wanted was a friend. Instead I get rocks thrown at me.

Yet I still protect those ships in harbor, and save little children from drowning.

_'Because, deep down, I know that they could like me; if they didn't always see the snake bastard when they look at me. Because I know that I will always strive for their acceptance. I am no Kunoichi, but their values are mine.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the girl who killed before her first birthday, and has never stopped. Never been allowed to stop.

All the blood on my hands belongs to others, and their voices scream at me; punishing me for taking their life, for having this thing inside me. I never wanted it, but the seal master didn't ask a day old baby what she wanted; the bastard just sealed that thing into me without remorse.

And so I kill, because my village orders these people's deaths. And so I slip into the abyss of insanity with the voices screaming.

_'But I'll do what my village asks until the day I die, because I am a loyal Kunoichi and I love them. I would give my life, heart, and soul for Kumogakure.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the girl who has no room in her heart for her family, because all I love is myself.

My sister is the better of us two, even if she knows nothing of Jyuuken, and less of a backbone. Hinata would take the Bird Caged Seal if it saved me from that fate. I, on the other hand, would leave her to her fate.

My cousin tells me that I will die as soon as I set foot on the battlefield, because I have no heart. I do not listen to drivel from those lesser than me, however.

_'I am the best because I am stronger. I will survive even if everyone else dies.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the girl who is afraid of weapons, yet I am one.

My teacher taught me to be one, but I will never go through what he had to. In some ways I mourn that, being so near, yet so far from my teacher.

I will do as he asks, though, and continue to pick up my rope dart—despite the shiver that runs down my spine.

_'I do it because I am a Kunoichi, and because my petty fears are nothing compared to what some go through everyday to protect the ungrateful. I protect those who cannot protect themselves.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the girl who sees life through two very different sets of eyes.

Despite being weak, I am not someone to trifle with. It's generally the last thing anybody ever does.

But I don't regret this blood on my hands. That would be like saying they died in vain, and nobody likes that. I'm not cruel enough to regret the blood of others I shed willingly.

_'Because even though I'm the bad girl, I can be nice.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the girl who was rescued by the devil, only to forever reach for the light.

I love music, but my music isn't pure. You hear a silver flute, but I hear the blood dripping off it. I love illusions, but my mask of words and hate is all I know.

That's my problem; I always fall in love with the wrong people. The devil who charms your soul away; and the genius who wanted to give back what was long gone.

_'But I'll keep singing, because my music is my soul: bloody yet not tarnished silver. Who knows, perhaps my illusions will become reality.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the girl who sneers and scoffs, yet am the first to fall.

Even though I think myself better, I truly am not. It's a lie amongst lies, heaped upon lies. I don't believe I even remember who I am anymore. Those lies have adhered themselves to me as surely as a tattoo; and just as permanent.

Perhaps if I'd never been saved, I'd never have lied for the first time, never started this avalanche that will suffocate me.

_'I know it won't matter; but, before I die, I'd like to have something real.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the girl who smiles and flirts with everyone to get my way.

My teacher tells me that I will make a wonderful infiltration Kunoichi; what with my skills at flirting. I want to scream—I shouldn't know this—but I smile and thank her.

I act innocent, but I know things no eight-year old should. Innocence is for civilians, and I've chosen my path.

_'My path is protecting the innocence of those civilians; even at the price of my own soul. After all, what is my lost innocence measured against the price of those who are untouched?'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the girl who watched her teammate be crushed, then transferred his eye to my other teammate. At Obito's request.

I'll never forget taking that hateful red eye out of Obito's head, while he's still talking, still breathing. I'll never forget implanting it in Kakashi's empty socket, hearing the stoic boy scream in pain, grief, and hate.

I'll remember, because that's what I'm good at.

_'Because that's the duty that is given to a dead Kunoichi. To hold all memories that your teammates don't want dear because that's all you have left.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the woman who is called the greatest healer in the Countries, but I still blame myself for my loved ones dying.

Despite my great powers I could not save them. I've saved others, but not the ones most dear to me.

Yet, I have not turned my own strength against myself; I continue on through the pain.

_'Because all life is dear to me, even the one I don't feel deserves it.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the woman who has never known a home besides the side of my beloved Lady Tsunade.

She has taught me everything I know, including the true nature of humans. I would have figured it out eventually, but I learned quicker with my Lady. I have never had loyalty to anything or anybody but my Lady.

A home is a luxury I can't afford, because my loyalty is to one who runs from her own shadow.

_'Yet loyalty is a virtue that I hold dearest to my soul, and to abandon my Lady for something so trivial as a home would kill me.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the woman who refuses to let anyone close to me, because the last one who was close tried to steal my soul.

Love isn't a fickle emotion, but there is a fine line between it and hate. And you can't ever entirely cross over that line; no matter how much you try.

I still want vengeance, but some small part of me will always love my sensei unconditionally.

_'And so I continue on, never stopping, never resting: until I kill my sensei and then die with him. Because I show my love the way others show their hate.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the woman who can't stand to be anything less than perfect in the public eye.

Perfection must be had from everyone I associate. Though they are all perfect in different ways. My best friend is a perfect suicidal psychopath. My lover is a perfect lazy ass—if only he would stop smoking. My team is a perfect example of teamwork.

This is a bad thing for a regular Kunoichi, but I am a genjutsu expert. We are all perfectionists.

_'And when I am not perfect, I fail my village. I never fail, so I am always perfect. Even if it costs me everything I hold dear.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the woman who is in love with a god.

That's such an odd way to describe him, but there truly is no other way that would be appropriate. A god. Why am I the special one? He wasn't always a god.

Yet I'll still be strong for him, I'll still be his most faithful devotee.

_'Because love is more precious than faith. I am not expendable, because I am the only one who loves the god who was a man.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the woman who had to kill my grandson.

My own grandson, who I remember being so sweet, turned himself into a puppet and did the same to thousands of others. It was a mercy to the boy, he had no idea how the years weigh into your mind, heart, and soul.

I will not live long myself, which is another mercy.

_'I only hope that my death will cause another to live. Kunoichi are the harbringers of death and the givers of life. I gave and took life in my time, but I want to be known for giving it.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

I am the woman who was killed by my own son, in front of my other son's very eyes.

Something was wrong with my son, and I didn't see it. I will regret it for the rest of my soul's existence. My son was suffering and I didn't notice.

I gave all the love I could to the both of them, but it wasn't enough.

_'Love is the only thing I have left. But I doubt I'll survive my sons' next meeting.'_

\/\'/\/'\/\'/\/

We are Kunoichi.

We are women.

We know life's joys, pitfalls, and plateaus.

_'We are Kunoichi, and we continue on despite it all.'_

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on 13 October 2008 on ff.net. I am the original author and am reposting it here. This is a product of my writing ability and the canon at the time, some of the things mentioned have since been jossed.


End file.
